I NEED A BREAK

I NEED A BREAK!!!

Time has perhaps already taken away what man took away from time. Every advancement has asked for a return from us, and that too valuable than the progress itself. If you notice, every instance will bring forward an example how man has become a slave to his everyday routine and technology. A vending machine has barred spouses making bed tea in the mornings; automatic toasters have started giving the crispiness that only mothers were capable of rendering, svelte gadgets have replaced the tape recorders that took an effort to play, walking on foot has become too tiring in presence of cheap means of transport, Google has made the world smaller that was perhaps flat once, mobile revolution has convinced people that writing letters is too slow a medium, visual classes have replaced the awesome teachers, power of love and love of power have interchanged long back, at every step humanity seems long lost…. [With all due respect, but for the sake of quoting the changes since old times] In fact men find it tedious to move razors around the face and guess what? They have automated that too!!

There comes a point in life when a person, despite all his achievements starts to think- “So what?”, “What next?”, “What’s the use?”, and “What the hell have I been doing all these years?” And that’s the time you see yourself actually. While creating an image for the world, somewhere we remain stuck in that. We forget what we are in order to prove what we can be. The realization keeps coming and we keep not attending to it. It builds up so heavily sometimes that breathing becomes secondary to it. And that’s when one realizes that he/she can’t even remember the last time when he/she did something for the first time. Okay, for an exercise, ask yourself,

·        When did you last gaze the night sky?

·        When did you last smile at the mirror?

·        When was the last time when you talked to an old friend?

·        When you sat just with yourself, not with a laptop or music player?

·        When did you last do what you mention as hobby on your resume?

·        When was the last time you appreciated someone who can’t be of any advantage to you?

·        When did you last sleep happily and content at night?

Did you answer “LONG BACK” to these questions? Trust me, we all are the same…we need a break, a desperate one!!

“If you want a different result, do something different”

Last time I had this realization, I did something about it. I paused and saw the world as it rushed past me. I saw everyone so bound to their routine and time & skill management that they have lost the innocence and simplicity they were born with. They have forgotten that happiness exists and have lost the hope of ‘life in life’. All of this reminded me of a story I was told in childhood about a greedy man. This man wanted a lot of land. The king offered him to take away all the land he could cover by walking till sunset. The man kept walking all day and just before the dusk, he covered the whole land. As he kept his last step, he died out of exertion. He was buried and all the land he finally got was some 6 feet!

Similarly, the race has become so important for us that we see just the destination without caring about the journey. Life has to be enjoyed and lived. We are not born to survive and excel. To cry out aloud, the basic purpose is to LIVE and we don’t give it a chance because we feel that getting good grades, adding bonus to salary, having a lavish house, earning appreciation of boss and thing like these matter more. However, the converse seems to be true when your hair turns grey, you retire and sit alone outside your house waiting to complete your life cycle.

Don’t let your life become a regret.  Or else it will not long before you feel so hollow inside that you breakdown at the slightest jolt to your confidence. Later, you will have money but no one to spend on, vehicles but nowhere to go, food but no hunger and life but no desire to live. Start today. Start living! It requires just small effort and a willingness to do it. And don’t excuse yourself by convincing that you have a busy life because it doesn’t take time to live. Add life to your survival. 

Go out in the morning and watch the dew on grasses even if it requires you to wake up ten minutes earlier. Sit out in the night on terrace for few moments and watch the star studded sky. Close your laptop windows and look out from windows in your room for a second. Try smiling at yourself while combing. Smile at strangers and who knows you might start making friends? Take out the slam book of your school time and read through to find out how crazy you have been. Remember your college days and remind yourself how you enjoyed living off the edge. Dust the old albums and take a look at your life. Call an old friend and let him know that it is worth having him in life. Take risks. Do something crazy every day. Tell your waiter that you loved the food and the way he served it. Talk to the security guard of your building who has seen nothing but humane machines rushing in and out of the gate and check out the surprise and gleam in his eyes. Click a photo of the children on roadside. Clean your room. Take a break from video conferences and meetings. Write a letter to your parents telling them how much you love them.  

Forget contests and search the internet for a soothing music. Don’t hesitate in appreciating people around, even if they are not an acquaintance. Don’t worry if your dream couldn’t become your job, still pursue your hobby.  Remain simple and avoid show off because in the end what YOU think of yourself is more important. Feel the connection every single thing and being poses with you. Try seeing the thin threads the world is spun with. Irrespective of who you are, you will find yourself to be at the centre of it, a part of the Supreme Being.  Don’t underestimate the power of your smile; it surely adds magic to the beholder’s life. Love unconditionally and remember, “You are not loved because you are special, you are special because you are loved”. Stop saying “love ya” routinely. For a change, give your beloved some time, sit silently and yet have the most wonderful conversation. Find a mentor. Allow life to flow through yourself. As Albert Einstein said once, “You can live in just two ways, either by believing nothing is a miracle or by believing everything is a miracle”, and trust me, the latter helps! You make your routine, don’t let the routine make you. Take a break whenever you feel like and don’t take life too seriously.

Let your true self come out of the inhibitions in your mind, because generally the one stopping you is YOU!! Do all you would have done, had you known that you couldn’t fail. Have confidence that all you have done is a result of your efforts and deeds and you can change things as and when you want to. Believe that you are the creation’s favorite child who is here to fulfill a space no one in the universe ever can, because you are the only one of your kind. You must be what they all call ‘SPECIAL’!!! J

HOW NECESSARY IS CHANGE?

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive or the most intelligent, but the ones who are most adaptive to change”-Mostly attributed to Charles Darwin

When you are through changing, you are through.  ~Bruce Barton

Nothing that is can pause or stay;
The moon will wax, the moon will wane,
The mist and cloud will turn to rain,
The rain to mist and cloud again,
Tomorrow be today.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 "Accept what you can’t change and change what you can’t accept…" How true is it? Can one actually change the things he/she can’t accept? Probably no... One can change oneself but certainly not the situation…that is what I feel…many will disagree…I do understand…now this again is something that can’t be changed!!! However hard you try, not every person around you agrees. It’s not negative in any sense…it’s just a situation; one CAN’T change because everyone IS different. My Abhivyakti today is on the inevitable…’CHANGE’.

Ever wondered what changed inside you that makes you run away from rain that you loved to dance in? Why you don’t appreciate your mother’s smile anymore while it was enough to make you laugh aloud when you were a baby? Why you aren't happy at your father’s approval? Why the sight of a zoo doesn’t excite you now? Why a train is now just a means of transport? Why flowers are just meant to be given at official presentations? Why your girlfriend/boyfriend is no more attractive? Why your spouse is not able to decide that you love them or just live with them? Why you eat to survive? Why you have a watch but no time? Why you have money but no desires? Why your friends have forgotten you? Why you don’t see yourself in the mirror and smile anymore? Why is it that life started being monotonous? Why nothing changes?

Because YOU changed…………

I am also the common person who starts finding shade in sun, roof in rain, comfort in living, security in relations, respect in colleagues, love in friends, companion in a crowd, shoulder to rest on and somebody who listens. In the race to be unique, I forgot to be common.  I forgot that every single thing around me is happening FOR ME. Every flower I see on my way is meant to be there, just for me to enjoy it, every single person I meet on the way is there to cross my way, the Sun rises to see my well being, people were created to be my friends, my college was built so that I could come and study, the universe was created so that I could be born and be a part of the creation. It’s difficult to actually feel this, but when you do, you will understand that everything around you is a miracle. Every molecule of air, every drop of water, every smile, every tear, every person, every feeling and every object becomes magical. Every day becomes special. Today is special for me, because today someone made me understand that however I looked, behaved or dressed, I was special, very special. And so is everyone. One just needs feel what no one else can feel, feel oneself. And when I felt the miracle today, somehow I could control the speed of rain and the presence of Sun!!

Today I did all I never do. I woke up early, took a morning walk, walked over the grass, caressed the dew, saw the Sun playing peek-a-boo with the clouds, drenched myself in rain at least after a decade, felt every drop of it falling on my face, imbibing it inside me, touched streams of water running down the barks of trees, jumped in small puddles, broke some rules, laughed aloud, talked a lot, (yes! I didn’t speak today, I talked), sang   to myself, had a relaxing bath and am doing what I love the most, I am writing! Today has been a miracle, not because I did different things but because I am different today. I understand that “Today is a gift and hence it’s called ‘present’!!”

It’s true that when time changes, no one can remain same. Of course a CEO can’t actually jump into puddles and an employee can’t make faces at the boss…but, why not change the change? Why not try a different change?

CHANGE AGAIN………

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists  ~Japanese Proverb

It took a long discussion with my friend to understand that change is necessary because I am a stern believer in ‘being myself’.  I can finally make out that being oneself is at a very personal level and change is at a social level. One remains the same since birth to death. Difficult to believe??

Ok, then how do you explain a grown up crying out of happiness at the birth of his/her child? the enthusiasm of a mountain climber at the sight of a cliff? the thrill in a 90 year old at a place of worship? the tears of an Olympic winner at the prize ceremony? Match these emotions and you will find that the people never changed. They can feel emotions as strongly as they could earlier at smaller but surely equally important things. Just the frequency has decreased, that too since they have wanted the same. I came across the quote “Crying doesn't indicate you are weak, it has always been a sign that you are alive”

In the attempt to flaunt ourselves, we cover every emotion under the camouflage of showoff, not only in monetary terms, but also in relations, friendship and work. while being oneself, if you find change in yourself, accept it. This change comes from the situations. It must have been required. You don’t need to explain it to anyone but yourself. Stop manipulating your feelings; they don’t come with a feedback!! Feelings must be what you feel, not what you want to feel. You don’t need to say someone that you still love him/her if you don’t feel the same anymore. You don’t need to feel ashamed to say your wife that she can’t scold your mother. You don’t need to feel awkward for opposing your friend. You don’t need to act with close ones. Give them the respect of honesty at least. It hurts to admit the truth but for a short term, it paves way for a happier long term. You don’t have to think before doing something that you know is rightHowever, this doesn't mean banging your boss’s head! Discretion lies in your hands always. :P…


You have to change according to the situation, not for the situation!

“Change before you have to”     -Jack Welch

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me.  The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them ~George Bernard Shaw

 Choice of adaptation and fighting in a change rests with us. Even if a change doesn't occur for good which it generally does, try to understand that this is the way life happens to everyone. What is not yours was never meant to be yours. What is yours will be passed on to someone else. If you have anything that you feel is going to last forever, you are being foolish. If you want someone to stay forever, you are asking for the impossible, because anything, however strong, will change ultimately.

The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. -Harold Wilson

"Your very life depends upon your willingness to change"

However, life is too short to be spent in worry of what’s coming next. We need to look through and find ways to look at the change in a different way. Give a chance to short term, change your looks, experiment with your hair, try a new nail paint, go to a gym, get a new phone, buy some trendy outfits, feel the breeze, be crazy, feel happy and young, have the talent to hold on but have the courage to let go, give a smile to your neighbor and the mirror… because there are few things you can change. Don’t resist those. J The power is to change is in your hands too. 

Change your life before life changes you! 

 Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy.  -W. Somerset Maugham

Read more quotes @ http://www.quotegarden.com/change.html

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Got to thank all my readers...for the happiness they have endowed upon me....My blog page views just reached 500...Thank you all!!

20 years is a long time…..very long..

Situated at 22° 48' 0" N latitude and 86° 11' 0" E longitude, Jamshedpur is a city in India…but it’ not JUST another city…neither for me nor for the history of India. Who can forget the contribution of Jamshetji Tata in the Industrial revolution in India? The city is situated around the factories set up around 1900 on the banks of river Swarnrekha. It’s a beautiful city with greenery, organization and management peeping from every nook and corner.

As for me, the importance exceeds…it was where I was born and tonight, sitting in a guest house at Jamshedpur (J) near the most beautiful area called Jubilee park, I am not able to contain my excitement over the happenings today. My father was posted here around 20 years back, and that is when I was born…I, my parents and my elder brother lived here….yes two decades back…sounds like so much time…J however, it passed so quickly. Since we left the city on my father’s transfer when I was merely one year old, I have been to the city twice, every time packed with schedule. It’s yesterday morning that I came back to the place I was born….a place that connects to me mysteriously, that surely has a call for me…The reason of course is materialistic again…a training in Tata Steel, previously known as TISCO. However, my father and I finally took time out to roam in the daily market at Sakchi, eat dosa at an old restaurant and savor kulfi in the rain. I don’t remember the place a bit but it seems I have always been here, as if the place belongs to me.  Suddenly, I had a yearning to see the house where I was brought up, where I was showered with the love no one can ever again give, where I was sung lullabies and where I was new to the whole world….

We started off to what is called Adityapur. As my father depicted the new locality he saw, I could see in his eyes that it had changed…or may be fully transformed. The houses were no more identifiable and there were a lot of new shops, malls and apartments. We neither had the house number nor the name of the landlord, only memories. My father started remembering things the moment we reached the street. However, among hundreds of identical houses where does one search for a 20 year old house that was 1 storey at that time, painted in white, and that was near a shed? I was getting nostalgic with the memories I never had….The air getting into my lungs was showcasing my whole life to me. It all passed as a beautiful movie in front of my eyes. I almost narrated every incidence of my life, honestly,….to the CITY. I was really desperate to have a look on the house, the house without a name, but since always inscribed on my heart. After a search that lasted around an hour, someone finally got an idea of what we were speaking…it was the same cow shed…it stood there at the same place, and now memories could no longer play hide and seek…My father recognized the house at once!!! It was THE house. I literally ran to it…I was in the true sense not able to contain myself…didn’t even think that it was not ours now…A few seconds passed very silently…without me knowing for sure because till then, people had come out of the house and my father was already in a talk with them. I had visualized the scene since childhood so many times that it all was more of a déjà vu!  I ran inside the house and saw the whole of it in one go…Memories or rather visualizations started coming from nowhere when I saw the room I always slept, the cow shed I was taken to in mornings, the market where my parents shopped, the water supply pipe just outside the house, the police station where I was taken to in evenings for fresh air (:D), the door that I saw in an old snap, the field that was barren then, the courtyard where my father once encountered a big snake, the kitchen where my mother made those mouth watering dishes I didn’t eat, the corridor where I was left for playing, the place where I slept everyday munching biscuits, the gate that was intact after 20 years too, the street that saw me run for the first time, the trees that must have seen me growing up…the place that was the world for a one year old kid.

We were invited in for a cup of tea and as I sat in a chair, I could not explain the tears that started rolling out, even to me. The house was more so of a Pandora’s box for me, that held in store a willingness for me, that had so much to show me and it waited for so long, that had missed me, that had loved me, that had once protected me, that was standing there as t was amongst the tall houses that changed their looks over time, that was rejoicing my arrival…May be it sounds stupid, but the house made me cry, really, the adrenaline rush through me every other second was equally unaccountable….I was no more understanding all happenings around me, all that I could see that I had repaid a debt, that I held. It deserved a visit, for sure…It has made me happy beyond bounds…I don’t think words will ever be able to express what I am feeling now…. :)

I am sorry but no promises this time...

Hey people...I am really sorry for being absent since so long...I worked on three writings during this time....And then there were some unexpected scenarios in life....Could patch up and could write I know...but writing for me comes with feeling...and that was simply not coming. And suddenly, it came out of the blue...I wrote the full thing in mere 20 minutes...at Kolkata airport...Hope you all enjoy the read...Will try to be regular though :P 

HOW IT FEELS TO FLY???

Although an air travel is not a big deal today, but the first time surely counts. I loved flying back to my hometown this vacation. Read through the experience I had…J

HOW IT FEELS TO FLY???

I flew….I actually flew….Oh my God!! It was an experience worth it…..Even the fact that the medium was an airplane, can’t mar the feeling of being in the clouds….through them…. After devouring a flight today to my hometown, I feel man’s incessant desire to scale the heights of sky were surely never exaggerated. The attempts of Wright brothers was not for making yet another gadget or redefining luxury….It was as ambitious an attempt as Columbus’ …in search of something really new. I experienced the new today, after so many decades…but the charisma remains…still!

The airplanes actually disappoint you in beginning, not in terms of service but definitely in terms of huge expectations you have. But it’s short lived…really temporary, the surprises, the beauty out folds…and that too quite unimaginably. A bus leaves you to the big bird and you suddenly gaze at the windows that not only looked small from far, but even are small, just in size to accommodate your face and a little more. After ensuring a comfortable seating you are exactly in time to catch a glimpse of the smartly trained stewards and stewardesses. One can’t help from instantly wanting to live their life.

Then the plane starts moving first backwards and then forward but, to your dismay, it “runs” no faster than the bus that took you till here. It seems to move pointlessly on the runway for more than ten seconds. And exactly when you think the plane is going to bash into the airdrome boundary, you hear a sound of engines and thousands of motors and electronic circuits coming to life. A huge roar takes place of the smooth run and you have “the feeling”, the feeling that assures the heights you have never attained. The plane covers the rest of the runway in a speed that first reminds you of the time when you first rode a bicycle, then of the day your father took you for a smooth ride in evening to grocery, then of your elder brother trying to tease you over the speed he could attain on a new driver’s license, next of your boyfriend trying to show the enormous balance he could maintain on a fast running stylish bike. But finally it all passes and the flight reaches a velocity you were yet to know….and then it takes off!...The moment you had been waiting for…the big white bird streamlines to the sky. Not a moment of panic strikes you…All that strikes is the beauty….the beauty of a world you never appreciated from down there, the beauty that adds to the things when they become Lilliputian, the beauty when you see the sea, sky and land all at a time…the beauty when you can’t tell sky from the sea, the beauty when you see clouds in the sea, the beauty when clouds go past your window and you curse the atmospheric pressure gradient for not being able to touch them, the beauty when you realize that you mistook a large steamer in the sea to be a fish…and then the feeling dawns upon you….that you are indeed on the top of the world….you are IN the sky. Sun shining on the wings reflecting to your face adds sheen to your mood for sure. The beauty that a slight rain can add is still lovelier. Thin strands of rain water freshly seeping from the nearby clouds are truly a sight. The night sky is a paradise coming into scene. When you gaze down at the land….You see a panorama that resembles a Christmas tree! The small cities, the smaller houses, all drop down to a light source. The land looks far far beautiful than the sky. The propellers rotating just outside your window don’t encourage fearfulness but awfulness. It surely takes one an air travel to think of the wonderful way mankind has evolved!!!

Outside sometimes seems like a movie that could not accommodate good video effects because it’s all so perfect that it starts seeming artificial…How many perfect things have we seen anyway? So perfect a backdrop also leaves man bored in some time. And then he awaits the landing. The first sight of land peeping from the clouds is welcome. The small houses, the elongated roadways, the two dimensional view of the world keeps you captivated. Exactly then your captain informs the proximity of your destination. The plane takes a steep turn sideways and the first feeling of panic mixed with excitement brings you to senses. The plane keeps declining down and then lowers down to the airport in view. You can feel the wind gushing outside your window. And then the wheels touch the land with a slight jerk and you are back on the planet as you knew it from beginning. Fortunately, if it’s raining, you can experience a surge of water vapor from under the plane at this moment. The crew thanks you and bides a goodbye and you come back enriched from an experience of a lifetime.

THEN....

AND NOW...

FORGIVENESS

PEARLS OF WISDOM

FORGIVENESS.....all about the virtue

Hello everyone! .... Here is my first pearl of wisdom...something very great and an attribute of only the strongest.....it’s FORGIVENESS. And I am sorry for such a long absence from the blog...but I didn’t post since I was not eligible!! Yes I was struggling hard to forgive someone who didn’t even ask for it but here forgiving was important....and I finally forgave!! The feeling is just unmatchable. I feel free now after a long time and eligible to post this now...

So, why do I choose forgiveness as the first pearl??

How many times have you faced a situation in which you knew it was out and out your mistake and you had ruined something very important....and then you beg for forgiveness? How badly you wish to hear the words “YOU ARE FORGIVEN” even when you know that forgiveness can’t mar the loss you have caused?

Rest assured, it has been faced by everyone at least once in life!

Ok, now be honest and remind yourself of a situation when you were on the other side of the hedge....someone asking you for a forgiveness over a huge loss he/she caused to you knowingly/unknowingly? However strong the emotions of the asker be, it was not possible for you to say “YOU ARE FORGIVEN”?

May be this situation has not been faced by all of us....the only reason being people not asking for forgiveness out of fear of not being forgiven.

Anyway, did you notice the stark differences between the two situations? How one wants to be forgiveN but not forgive? Truly it’s more than difficult to forgive someone and those who forgive are wise...truly wise...so, forgiveness is indeed a pearl of wisdom....

Let’s suppose you just had a bitter experience. Someone did something to you that you consider inexcusable; let it vary from ‘someone shattering your faith’ to ‘breaking you crockery’, from ‘saying something to hurt you’ to ‘stealing your stationery’, from ‘creating misunderstandings with an important person’ to ‘gossiping about you’, from ‘leaving you all alone forever after a lifetime of promises’ to ‘spilling water over your favourite painting’, from ‘a colleague destroying your reputation in front of your boss’ to ‘your best friend being jealous of you’.....consider any mistake or offence that seems unforgivable. Why does it seem so difficult to forgive in these situations? Is it that we don’t want to forgive? Or is it that we want to see the wrong-doer suffer? Or do we think that he/she simply doesn’t deserve it? Or do we feel supreme in letting him/her not have forgiveness? Or just the thought of the person pleading seems comforting? What is it that stops us from freeing the person or rather ourselves? 

Mostly it is the thought of not the person but the offence that recurs and makes things difficult for us. Let us analyse this. You have been badly hurt, but how? It’s obvious that the person was not expected to behave in the way he/she did. Surely he/she was able to hurt you because you let him/her do it to you. Anyway, it’s not wrong to let people get into your comfort zone. It’s not at all wrong to trust someone. But now when you are already hurt, and you can’t revert the situation, then it’s important to forget the bad experience and remember all the good experiences you ever had with the person. It’s unbelievable the way, this solution works. Don’t let the good memories let bring any bitterness of not being there anymore, just let them fill you with the happiness that they were there at least for once in your life. As soon as any ounce of the latest offence reaches even a corner of your mind, wash it away with the sweetest memory of that person. Delete any sms that reminds you of the offence, put the destroyed painting or broken crockery out of your sight. Don’t think about the misunderstandings or the shattered faith. Just throw the offence out of your memory and you will see how easy it becomes to forgive and even forget. Let the offence out of your life not the offender. Hate the wrong not the wrong-doer.

Secondly, the thought that comes to mind is WHY? Why should such a hurting person be forgiven? Let me assure you that “Forgiveness is not indeed a great unselfish work; it’s all you do for yourself.” It’s not evident but you suffer more than the person asking for forgiveness till you don’t forgive. When you forget, a stream of greatness washes you away; you start feeling good about yourself. It seems Mark Twain always wrote with you in consideration that “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds over the heel that crushed it”. The world becomes same as it ever was. It seems a clichéd dialogue but you have to trust me....I just encountered a situation where forgiving made my life better and it’s not about my greatness or modesty. I forgave even when I knew it was too difficult and I was never asked for it, but I was selfish enough to forgive!!  :)

Now there are many facets of forgiveness- forgiving others is important undoubtedly, but forgiving yourself is more important and crucial. There are times when you feel that you are the perfect enemy of yourself, there are times when you hurt a person more important than your own life, sometimes you spill coffee over your new dress you planned to wear for the evening or scold your child over some trivial issue or simply say what you shouldn’t have to your spouse just to check if he/she cares for you (sounds horrible, but happens isn’t it?)....these are the situations where you don’t even have anyone but yourself to blame! It’s not that you don’t feel for yourself, but that you feel more for that person or situation. The concept is not as simple as it looks; forgiving yourself is the hardest forgiveness you’ll ever come across! It seems easier to punish yourself, to cut your vein, to hit yourself, to refrain from food, to keep yourself aloof but let’s see it in this way- if you actually want to punish yourself, forgive yourself! Josh Billings exclaimed- “There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.” And Oscar Wilde in his usual best self mentioned-“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” The moment you truly forgive yourself, life becomes easier.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.  ~William Blake

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule.  ~Lewis B. Smedes
 Another difficult form of forgiveness is forgiving your near ones. An offence committed by your best friend seems unforgivable while the same offence can be forgiven had it been committed by an enemy! You can’t forgive your friend for misunderstanding you but you expect this from your enemy already! Your best friend never asked for this but you, yourself establish the difference and punish him/her like hell. You find it inevitable to shout on your mom if she stains one of your dresses but you tend to excuse your maid for the same. It doesn’t mean that the maid is more important, it just means that you don’t want to forgive your mom and you know she will listen to you and still not run away! You just take your near and dear ones for granted and this is nothing short of a dire mistake. Just remember any instance the person helped you...you will find all cases of selflessness for these people. Hence it doesn’t seem so difficult to forgive them anyway! Any mistake looks small in comparison to the love you hold for them!

Forgiveness, be it in any form is truly difficult, agreed. But, what good are you, how different are you is decided by how hard you forgive! The first and foremost, start forgiving from yourself...this is necessary since nobody else can forgive you till you forgive yourself. However wrong you do, just forgive yourself. It’s also human tendency but just make sure that you don’t repeat the mistake. It’s ok to forgive yourself after that!

Then come to forgiving loved ones. Doesn’t it seem fair to forgive them too when you can forgive anything you have done? Just let forgiveness flow through yourself. We normally stop the flow ourselves.

And then we come to forgiving our enemies. Know why you should forgive them? Because a bit of Gandhigiri doesn’t harm!!You just have to see the look on their face when you say “You are forgiven”. There will be no one more surprised than them and no one more content than you on earth!

“Forgiveness is a funny thing.  It warms the heart and cools the sting” ~William Arthur Ward
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future” ~Paul Boese

So, you see everyone can be forgiven. The reasons vary but forgiveness is for everyone! Keep in mind that the person who commits mistake suffers more than the person who faces the consequences of it. Forgiveness works wonderfully. Try it once and you will feel on the top of the world. It feels so good to become great for once in a lifetime! I was personally facing a crisis, and was not able to forgive. It took a lot of time but when I have finally forgiven, it feels like I am too strong and noblest in the world! So, go for it. Stop criticising people for the wrong they do to you and start saying “YOU ARE FORGIVEN” and see how it is received as a welcome relief. Experience how the world changes its perspective of you! Forget everything other than that every mistake is forgivable and that God forgives any and every offence if you repent for it. Take your own time but do it finally. FORGIVE AND FORGET. Come start forgiving and let happiness radiate from yourself!

When I started my literature study on forgiveness, I was amazed when I found a page in Wikipedia too. Wikipedia describes forgiveness as “A process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, difference or mistake.” I will let you all through a wide range of materials you will find over forgiveness, if you google. So, let’s start the play with the first scene- the common misconceptions (Courtesy: http://www.catherineblountfdn.org/forgiveness.html)

The Top 10 Misconceptions about Forgiveness

1.  Withholding forgiveness hurts the other person.
The truth is: withholding forgiveness hurts no one but you.
2.  Forgiveness is a passive endeavour.
The truth is: Forgiveness is a very active endeavour, where you can ultimately reach out in love and compassion to the other person.
3.  Forgiveness lets people off the hook, so they aren't accountable to their actions.
The truth is: Forgiveness and accountability are not the same topic. You can have both. Forgive another by offering empathy and unity; yet still uphold the process of accountability within the social structure. We have been sent not to keep an account of other’s doing....what is important is to keep playing our own roles in the play called ‘life’.
 4.  Forgiving someone tells that person that whatever he or she did was acceptable with you.
The truth is: Accepting their actions and accepting their true nature underneath it all are two very different things. You can make that clear.

5.  Forgiveness is for the other person.
The truth is: Forgiving another is an act we do for ourselves, to free ourselves from the pain or bitterness.

6.  When you are forgiving, you are "pardoning" someone's bad behaviour.
The truth is: There is no "pardoning," just a clearer perception on who that other person truly is, and what they can still provide to your life, to a community and to a society.
7.  Forgiveness is done by saying the words "I forgive you." 
The truth is: Forgiveness should reside not only in words but also in thought, feeling and action.
8.  Forgiving another person doesn't do any good really.
The truth is: It not only uplifts you AND that person in ways unseen, but it brings that much more light to a world in need.
9.  Forgiveness is only for religious people.
The truth is: It's for all of us walking the planet and more for the ones who are not religious. May be they see some light through the virtue!

10.  It's too hard to forgive.
The truth is: It can be hard, but not too hard, not when you have the right support and perspective. Nothing is too hard when you are up to it!

After I saw the above misconceptions, it became easier for me to forgive. Make use of these! Let’s see what different religions have to say on forgiveness.....

HINDUISM: The concept of performing atonement from one's wrongdoing (Prayaschitta — Sanskrit: Penance), and asking for forgiveness is very much a part of the practice of Hinduism. Prayashitta is related to the law of Karma. Addressing Dhritarashtra, Vidura said: "There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong.

ISLAM: Forgive thy servant seventy times a day.

CHRISTIANITY: Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times seven, but seventy times seven."

SIKHISM: Where there is forgiveness there is God himself.

BUDDHISM: Never is hate diminished by hatred: It is only diminished by love.

JAINISM: Kṣamāpanā or supreme forgiveness forms part of one of the ten characteristics of dharma.

JUDAISM: The most beautiful thing a man can do is to forgive wrong.

TAOISM: Recompense injury with kindness

If you still find it difficult to forgive, I have something for you. Take a look on the following link and feel blessed that you live in a world that has something called ‘FORGIVENESS’

http://gurmeetsingh.wordpress.com/2008/12/02/stories-of-forgiveness/

Go through the next link too, it’s an awesome video and made me respect you tube to the next level:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY

Another food for soul is:

http://thelegacybuilder.wordpress.com/2010/01/31/scars-earned-along-the-path-of-forgiveness/

 

I hope you are now ready to forgive all harm ever done to you. I want to be honest with the readers, even I am still struggling to forgive someone from my school days but have not still been able to. But believe me; I am trying very hard for that now that I am preaching! Anyway, I have forgiven every other person and am happy to do so! I plead you to start forgiving and make the world a better place to live in because,

"Anger and rage against another person is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."