Time changed or she did? -Part II

Time changed or she did?-Part II

 “Apri, u remember how Shobhit played those tricks on Subhash Sir??” mumbled Iksha instantly to change the topic. She was a bit worried he would name someone else, more worried that he would name her.

 Iksha had very few friends and fewer among boys during school days. However, she was very contrasting in nature to the impression she portrayed. Although she kept on trying not to befriend and trust people, she ended up making very good friends and gave herself to being the best of friends to each one of her friends. She was always there for them and those who really knew her, never really complained about her behavior. By the third year, she had gained around 5 good friends in college, while the others still lived in the impression she created for herself. Aparikshit was one among the few she talked to in school. However, he was still outside the cocoon she was in. She had not let him inside her thoughts ever. He was a close friend, more so because of his efforts and constant visits of the Vermas to the Aggarwals. She could sense his strange behavior in the farewell and very tactically handled the situation. She made him understand that there was no place for a boy in her life, without saying a word. Aparikshit understood, respected her decision and never again tried to come back. But suddenly he was in a situation he knew only Iksha could help him with. What better occasion than her birthday could it be to start the conversation? He had never really stopped liking her, only that he was not sure if he loved her. He knew why she was deviating from the topic and he paid heed to it.

“Ya ya that was a hell wonderful trick! He was one jerk!! Ha ha!” exclaimed Aparikshit, remembering the instance of firing crackers in the wash room just to pay fine later and be the stud of the class!

“No that was a stupid trick. Subhash Sir deserved way more than what you people gave him credit for!” said an angry Iksha.

“Ikki I know how you feel but c’mon those were days to be enjoyed. You were boring and will always be”, said Aparikshit in a conclusive tone.

Iksha was now furious over the ‘boyish’ manner of his talk. She uttered “Boys will be boys” and hung up.

She was least expecting her phone to ring the next moment as she had known they both were egoists when it came to principles. They fought everyday in school and Mrs. Verma or Mrs. Aggrawal had to pitch in to calm them both.

“How come Mr. Aparikshit Verma calls me himself after a fight? Where did his ego go? What happened? Are you in your senses or you have fever Apri?” uttered Iksha in a winning tone.

“I have called to continue the fight Madam, don’t you dare disconnect my calls. Just face the fact, Miss Boring Aggrawal. Ha ha ha!” said Aparikshit in a mocking, yet friendly tone.

Iksha lost all anger at his stupidity and they both laughed it off.

“Ikki, you looked different and beautiful at your birthday party”, said Aparikshit softening his voice.

“Well you didn’t see me, so I don’t trust you”, said Iksha in a see-you-stupid-don’t-even-know-how-to-flatter tone. She avoided compliments for the mere reason that she didn’t actually know handling them as they were so infrequent in coming, partly because she tried hard not to look good and partly because the ones who could see the perfect beauty inside her were too afraid of her short temperedness.

“Well social networking is not as sinful as you think it is! I was following some of your friends there and got to see some photos. Stupid of you to stay aloof from these sites! You might finally have found a guy for yourself”, mocked Aparikshit again.

“When did guys become so lucky to have me Apri?” said Iksha in an I’m-too-unreachable-for-guys tone.

“Well ya, not everyone is unlucky! Ha ha!” said a laughter choked Aparikshit. “Ohk ok, I apologize, I am extremely sorry Ikki! Heyy I need you to help me with something. You have been the agony aunt for our circle and all that has been happening between me and Manvi can be sorted out by no one other than you”, Aparikshit blurted out in a single breath.

“Hmmm, ooooo!! Who is this Manvi? Ohho Mr. Aparikshit Verma is in louuuuuvvv?” teased Iksha in a relieved tone, stretching out every word in the sentence.

“Well I suppose I finally am. But see, the situation is bad, almost end of the relation.” said Aparikshit sadly.

“Why what’s wrong yaar? What can I do to help?” asked Iksha, wondering if she actually could be of any help in things like love advices.

“Simple story. We did the senior secondary schooling together. She was pretty and totally my type. The traditional type, you know. We started with chatting and texting each other. It went off from one stage to another. We were committed before we could register it. After 12^th, we chose different colleges but the relation was all well until last month since her elder sister picked up my call. She has stopped taking my calls and doesn’t respond to even 100s of calls. I wonder if she ever loved me”, Aparikshit was almost sobbing.

“Heyy Apri! Listen to me, yaar I have never seen you so lost and helpless. You remember how I was all lost that day when you showed me light at the end of the tunnel?”

“You were in a tunnel?” Apri returned to his normal self, but still unable to hide his sadness.

“Apri! You jerk! You idiot!! Are you never going to be better? Be nice to me and you get a solution or you are dead meat!” screamed Iksha through the phone.

It was time enough for Aparikshit to reflect on the transformation he had helped Iksha with 5 years back.

…to be continued

TIME CHANGED OR SHE DID?.....A story of life

Dear readers,

I have always been nervous while trying something new. However, the fear of failure somehow is overcome by the desire of success. I have tried my hand for the first time in story writing. Hope to get your valuable suggestions and feedbacks. Do let me know how you find it! J

Time changed or she did?-Part I

5:05 A.M., weekday, Iksha was already cursing herself on losing those precious five minutes when Rishabh opened his beautiful eyes that drove her crazy even today, after 8 years of their marriage! She hated the idea of leaving the bed and heading for kitchen and Rishabh’s playfulness was making it more difficult. His idea of romance never faded and she loved him for that (too!). He held her waist and planted a cute peck on her cheek. Iksha was now loaded with enthusiasm that normally lasted for the whole day. She finished off cleaning, cooking, packing lunch for the family and then went to Jiggi’s room. She woke her up with a kiss and held her exactly as she did 6 years back in the hospital when she was born. She carried her to the washroom and beheld Rishabh helping Jiggi brush. She just stopped her tears from rolling out of the simplest joy, life. Sometimes she herself couldn’t believe that she was capable of the amount of love she showered upon her little angel.

They left Jiggi at the bus stop while Rishabh drove Iksha to work before leaving for his own. The drive was a routine one, but Rishabh never let her feel the same. He was a breeze of fresh air every time he talked, looked, smiled or loved her. She was early for the office and Rishabh decided to stay on for few minutes in the cafeteria. She felt something different in the air and her husband too. But somehow nothing mattered when he was around. She kept looking at him with the madness of a girlfriend. He came closer and she felt distracted as her heart beat quickened. A bouquet of red roses and a red envelope was snap in front of her eyes as he displayed the best of his smiles. “Ohh no!!” was all she could usher and rushed in to hug him as her colleagues passed by. How could she miss this? Come on! It was exactly 8 years today, it was her marriage anniversary! She felt instantly guilty but didn’t find a speck of complaint in his eyes. She tried to say, “Rishu, I am so irresponsible, I don’t know how I missed it, I’m…..”, while he hugged her tighter and erased all needs of speech. He then drove away leaving her feeling lucky to have found perfect love in an arranged marriage.

As she reached her cabin, carrying an unusual payload, she looked at the envelope decorated in Rishabh’s ornate handwriting which stated, “Happy marriage anniversary, Mrs. Iksha Agarwal”. He was someone who didn’t speak much but she understood all he didn’t say. He made sure that she received a greeting card on every occasion as he knew her fascination for the same. Iksha rushed in to see the greeting card and a look at it, and all of Rishabh’s efforts went in vain. It was the same card…yes the same card…that had once been her favorite since childhood, one that Aparikshit gave her, one that she showed Ritwik, one with which Ritwik made her come to life again with, one that haunted her, one that lied in the corner of her cupboard, even today, without a name on it, a card, specklessly clean card, very unlike her past. She unwontedly started ruffling through the pages of past.

College days are the best part of life and if not for few instances, Iksha’s was a dream come true. She was one of those geeks in the first year who are noticed by every teacher and hated by every student. The sophomore year turned out to be almost the same except some friends who took the risk of befriending her and some science projects that she managed to get into. Hers was a life very few wanted but many desired for. Lost in books, thoughts, lectures and libraries, she was never popular among peers. She was just an average looking girl and not many boys showed interest, the ones who showed even a bit were welcomed with the wrath Iksha was known for. She had fought with boys since her school days for reasons unknown and unreasonable. In a gist, she was a boring, proud, emotionless, selfish and nerd gal who was mentally imbalanced and programmed to study. This was what she always portrayed and had successfully made that impression. However, life changed a bit too much in the second half of her college life.

Iksha was hurt from few instances of child abuse and couldn’t ever gather the courage to trust anyone, leave alone think of a relationship. Iksha had hated boys who enjoyed being boys, just because they could down show girls. The attitude of prominence rendered to boys had implanted the seed of tom boyishness in her, apart from the non-discrimination that she experienced at home. She remained convinced that a spinster’s life will be the best for her. While many wondered if she was actually immune to the Cupid’s arrows, she had not admitted it even to herself that she had a crush on Ritwik, ever since the end of the first semester when she noticed him. Ritwik was a different boy in every sense. In a campus studded with ‘studs’, he was someone who still chose trousers over jeans, mustard oil over hair-gels, tucked in check shirts over the flamboyant tees and lassi over alcohol. Iksha didn’t take much time in gathering that if she kept stealing looks at him during classes, she would lose out on studies and worse fall in love with him. Still, the play of love for the first time is quite a difficulty in life and she underwent a transformation within. She didn’t hate all boys anymore. The stirrings in her heart didn’t pay heed to her constant reminders. But one day, around 2 weeks after she had felt her heart skip a beat when Ritwik entered the class, she came to know that he loved someone already. She knew all she supposed to have felt was a deep burning jealousy for the girl but how many times Iksha did what she was supposed to do?  She had lived every second on her own terms, terms that were decided and transformed only by her. All she felt was a sense of hollowness and further reinforcement of the feeling that love was not possible in her case. She felt a fear and insecurity, a sense of deep pain and wet her pillow all through the night. The next day, she was the same old Iksha who was not affected by any boyish charm and was as stone hearted as ever. She was back to studies and being alone while disregarding her interest in Ritwik just as a crush. The only thing that kept haunting her was the reason behind her crush. However, a changing Ritwik through the months made forgetting really easy.

It was a phone call in the third year that changed everything for her. It was 11:30 PM, night of her birthday. She was hell tired from the proceedings of the day and was least expecting someone to wish so late. An unknown number further encouraged her to sleep. The phone kept ringing for another 15 minutes and when it became unbearable, she picked up. All she could utter was, “Apri, u??? Can’t believe...” when she was cut short with warm wishes and a lot of questions. It was Aparikshit, a childhood friend, family friend and someone who liked her but never confessed. They talked for another 4 hours about the long lost friendship, life afterwards, college, course and every other thing they could think of. “Ikki, stupid to ask this, but do you finally have a boyfriend?” She murmured, “Apri, you know me” and they broke into laughter. After college the next day, she waited for his call which was sure to come. They discussed few things after which it was Aparikshit’s turn to open up. To Iksha’s never ending queries, he finally said, “Yes Ikki, there is someone in my life”

                                                                                                                                   …..to be continued

   

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

THE CLOSING CEREMONY

My alma mater has been a temple, a temple of knowledge, transformation, teamwork, books, friends, meaningfulness and most importantly, LIFE! Here is the first time that I pay tribute to it….because it deserves at least a final goodbye!

the last look...

“Inside the campus, you make the world go round, outside it; the world makes you go round!! Make the most out of it. I hope you all understand it soon”, said an emotional Mr. Ganapaty Subramaniam, our professor in the engineering mathematics class in the third semester after announcing the pathetic condition of our section in a test . Few paid attention to what he said and fewer to the fact that he was emotional for a change! Today, when I am all set to start a new life outside the college, I realize that it hurts to leave. It’s going to be the most difficult good-bye. Only those who have lived this life can understand the beauty of it. Think of the colors and flavors it brings along and it keeps amazing you with its variety. The best of friends, gorgeous gals, hot guys, first crush, break-ups, successes, failures, college fests, parties, night outs, movies, valentine days, raksha bandhans (!) and sometimes studies too! Right from the ‘Fresher’s day’ to the farewells, every day does count on the calendar of happiness.  Every time I look back at my life, I become more and more assured that college life has been the best span of it.

We all have cursed the filthy assignments, strict teachers, narrow mentality, bad infrastructure, slimy management and what not?? But trust me; towards the end, everything undergoes a beautiful transformation. You start loving the broken desks, writing assignments, finishing courses, cleaning lab coats and most difficult of all, you start liking your room mate! It’s surprising to realize that you could be so sensitive to cry all alone on window for those whom you had started taking for granted. The other day when I started packing up for home, I found comic notes passed during classes, passport size photographs stolen at crucial junctures, the first rose I received, the first assignment, the test papers, the metal scraps from workshops, the never used diaries and many things that made the 4 years pass before me in a split second.

A punch in the identity card you hated to carry around, changes everything. Every spot at the campus starts reminding you of an incidence, every face that you have grown in habit of looking every day at, starts moving afar, the mess workers suddenly seem so friendly, mess food turns delicious, the spectacles become more beautiful, evening coffees with friends seem more refreshing than ever, you start noticing so many new things because finally you started looking at your college as if you will never see it again. You start living the life you had always dreamt of, only to find that it’s all going to end very soon. The last days hurt more because it’s a happiness that knows limits.

And it all strikes suddenly when your train starts for your hometown. You see the city that made your most beautiful years, passing through the window, you know you can’t do anything to stop the time, you know you can’t help it and tears roll down while your friends wave goodbye at the junction. You shout out few words of care, routine abuses and jump out of the train to hug them one last time. You know that to gain very few things in life further, you are going to lose a lot. And still you have to let the wheels of time move. All through the journey it feels as if someone had just cut a connection that was there since you began and this wound is never going to heal. Back at home, when you reach, it’s more surprising to find yourself up to nothing! Yes! Positively nothing! Even if you were not a workaholic at campus, you are unable to enjoy a stay at home, a place you rushed to at the shortest of holidays. You feel had you come a little later, you could have stolen a day more at your favorite hang out at campus, an evening more of fresh air at the sky scrapers, a night more in your hostel bed, one more fight with your room mate, one more look at your crush, one more hug from a dear friend, one more day of life!! You know none of this is possible and you soothe yourself with the cool breeze from your bedroom window half wishing that it has come touching your college and. You talk to family and distract yourself from tears, you wish for all of it to come back and start finding ways. You hope convocation was a little earlier…..You promise yourself to be in contact with those who matter and pull up your laptop to write this piece…and life goes on! J

REASON TO LIVE

REASON TO LIVE

There is this old friend of mine, XYZ, who seemed to find loss of reasons to live. He wanted me to help him with finding them. I wrote a letter to him 5 years back that I am opening for all my readers after few editions…it may be of use to some…Do let me know of the experience…after you finish reading

Dear XYZ,

If you want me to be honest with you, ya…when you asked me last night “Tell me what to do, I will surely try if I have already not tried”, I felt happy and confused at the same time. Happy because someone like you believes so much in me and confused because I was at loss of ideas suddenly. After a lot of thinking, I have concluded that you only can find a reason for continuing your life; I can only help you find it. I am not sure if I will be able to convince you or not, but I ensure you I will try to explain myself most clearly. It might seem a bit stupid that I googled ‘reasons to live’. I am not someone who understands the concept of suicide, and that too because of a reason that doesn’t deserve it. If I ever think of committing suicide, it will be because I find a reason big enough to kill myself, not because I don’t have a reason to live. Had it been anyone else, I would have been alarmed at any such decision. However, in your case, perhaps I was able to understand since I can see what’s stopping you from wanting to live. The loss of any reason accounts to be a big issue to me too. May be science taught us to rationalize everything, find cause for everything and search for reasons of everything!

Perhaps being alive is reason enough to continue living, perhaps tomorrow is reason enough, perhaps being able to see miracles is reason enough, perhaps mom’s desserts are reason enough, perhaps plans to achieve something is reason enough, perhaps maintaining ecological balance is reason enough!!….But I know in such a case, none of the reasons will suffice. It’s not because your life is actually short of reasons, but perhaps because you have closed doors for those reasons. I strongly believe that every person is different. By being in this world, you add something that was not there before and will never be again. You surely have a purpose. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

You say that your parents will overcome your loss. Let me tell you that they may overcome the demise of XYZ, but never of their son. You can’t imagine the pain in a father’s heart at the death of a young son. They have worked up whole married life to make your life better and this is not a good time to take leave. I know this is not a reason for you as you want something on personal level, but please think it over twice.

There are people who wish to live for another day, another hour, another moment but they don’t have a choice. You have. You can choose between life and the end of it. I just want your choice to be correct…and I am not biased. I will try to understand your viewpoint too. Make your story count. And end it only when you think you made it count.

There are so many things you have got to do. If you were a married man with a wife and children, I am sure your perspective would have been different. And trust me; 5 years down the lane, you will be thankful that I stopped you from calling it a life! Who knows a person of your caliber may give the world a third category of engines, a novel magic trick that can’t be beaten, a counselor who can give people reasons to live. Perhaps you don’t give future and dreams space in your life. Dreams are what keep most people going. There should be a reason for tomorrow.

 We both don’t believe in life after death. So technically, we have just one life without Ctrl+Z. And wasting it without trying and waiting with patience for the reason to come up to the mind, can be a bit of a loss.

 "The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough." ~ Rabindranath Tagore 

Few people on the internet expressed their reasons to live as follows: Find if you share their reasons to live:

·         I have been depressed for a while, but on Friday, a dyslexic boy who I have been teaching to read finally managed to get through a chapter without stopping, the look on his face when he managed it, made me happier than I had ever been before, and since then everything's seemed a lot brighter and bad things have seemed smaller and less important

·         Because before when you thought back to a time in the future when things were different to how you think they might be now, you wouldn't have realized that the way it seems to you then would be so much better!

·         The challenge of realizing that how you perceive things changes. How you perceived it before, at the moment when it happens, and then later on are almost invariably quite different, sure makes life interesting!

·         Your life is gift, but not given to you alone. Everyone you know has their own precious "you" that they love and cherish. Would go into the homes of the people who love you and smash up their precious things?

·         Music that soothes the soul, art is reason in itself.

·         Because tomorrow is a new beginning!

·         Because you never know when the next miracle is going to happen!

·         Because all the effort and thought you put into dying can also be channeled into helping you live....and however bad the now is, however you feel and whatever pain and heart wrenching anguish you feel, it will move, grow and change and ultimately lessen and pass.....universal law of recovery. Death however is completely final .There is no second thoughts, no changing your mind and no passing.

·         Because if you aren't on this earth you cannot feel the wind rush past you on a flying fox, the bubbles pound your skin in a spa bath; you can't see the gorgeous colors of a sun rise or experience the calm of that time of day, and you can’t smell the rain on the hot pavement.

·         Suicide does not end your pain; it just passes it on to the ones you love.

·         Living is really hard, but death is forever. We’re all going to die eventually, so what’s your rush' Even if you think committing suicide will make you seem tragic and romantic and cool, you’ll never know what happened anyway. Don’t you want to know how your life was supposed to turn out? Wouldn’t you like to see what you’re made of?

·         If people think things are at rock bottom and couldn't get any worse that means they can only get better from there. Think about friends and family whose hearts would be breaking. It's not the answer, live for them if you don't want to live for yourself. But nothing that happens, as bad as it gets, would ever be worth not being able to experience the world around us, for every person with a problem there is always someone who will listen.

·         If you take a decision to abstain from suicide. You can live carefree and off the edge. Hence you can try anything that a life-loving person will hesitate doing. Research indicates lots of us are happier when we feel like we have some control over our lives.

·         General randomness leads to disaster more often than not (check out the law of entropy)!!! :P

·         I have been a drug addict for 30years. I am now 2 and half years clean from it and life without drugs is a miracle for me. And here is a poem I wrote for this.

THE SECRET
I have come to this juncture in my life, merely because something in me kept saying you deserve to be happy.
Every single moment that I have come through, were all prepared for this moment right now. Imagine what you can do from this day forward with what you now know.
Now you get that you are the creator of your own destiny.
So how much more do you get to do, how much more do you get to be?
How many more people do you get to bless, simply by your mere existence what will you do with this moment?
How will you seize this moment.
No one else can dance your dance, no one can sing your song, and no one can write your story.
What you are, what you do, begins right now?
GERARD BUTTERFIELD

Here is another short poem that might make you understand why to live……

THE MISSION
There is not one of us from the day were born knows our purpose or our mission in life.
All you have to really understand what am I doing here, so our purpose is what you say it is.
Your mission is the mission you give yourself.
Your life will be what you create it as.
And no one will stand in judgment of it now or ever.
You will get to fill your life with whatever you want.
If you have filled it in with baggage from the past wipe it clean, erase everything from the past that does not serve you, and be grateful it brought you to this place now.
And now to a new beginning.
You have a clean slate, and you can start over.
Right here, Right now.
Find your joy and live it.

If you want to see more reasons people choose to live, check these links: http://www.thereasons.ca/stories.php

http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2011/countless-reasons-to-live/

http://1000000reasons.tumblr.com/

 http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/books/why-not-fifteen-reasons-to-live-by-ray-robertson/article2201506/

Ok, tell me one thing, if you are asked by a genie as of now, what will your 3 wishes be, if I may add make them realistic? I am sure you won’t waste your wish in asking for death. That is something you yourself can accomplish. So, just make a quick note of these wishes. And you need to do this. Make the wish list.

Now suppose for a moment you don’t have any plans of suicide. Can these three wishes become your reason to live? Can you live to turn these to reality?

If I weren’t alive today, suppose I committed suicide 2 years back, we wouldn’t have met, never talked and you might have taken the step and we both might have ended up dead. I surely like this better. I have liked the 2 years more than I would have liked death certainly. Life is called life because of the life in life! And it’s important to live fully before you die. LIVE before you die. Make it count. Death is an easy option, Life is difficult. Choose what suits you better J

It is as we continue living that we realize truly how wonderful life is! It can be seen only by giving life a chance.

Don’t you want to live on and know if Hillary is better than Obama, or if Higgs boson exists, if someone in your era discovers the reason for Mona Lisa’s smile, or may be see Darwin’s theory being negated or see the way a close friend fulfilled his/her dream, or see another Sherlock Holmes writer coming up? I am sure you are thinking, “How does it matter anyway?” And my answer is, it actually doesn’t matter, none of it matters an ounce. But that’s what life is made of-little silly things that don’t matter! But you enjoyed every bit of it when you were a child. You know why? Because you didn’t think of it…because you enjoyed what came your way. Try doing that again. Stop searching for a rational clue, stop being clever. Remain silly for a moment, and tell me honestly, does life matter?

I remember you saying that you don’t value life. Still you believe in helping others. You respect the liberty to live, the right to survival. Just think of it. Why it is not termed as ‘the right to die’? There are numerous ways to kill yourself but there is just one way of living-by not dying! Life has beautiful colors, stupendous chances, lovely people, great purposes and what not. Death has the end of it. It will eventually come anyway, why not live till then? Finding a purpose seems to be a difficult task till you don’t open yourself to the resonance of the universe. Try establishing a connection with people, things and I am sure you will find reasons. Get hold of a reason that makes you feel better in any way and you think is worth living for. Just be patient and don’tbe hasty with such a big decision like life and death.

As far as I am concerned, I wish you could remain here and stop thinking about any attempt in the other direction. May be you can’t think of a reason because you are thinking too much. It’s said that, “Everything that you run after, makes you run after it. Stop running and it comes and sit at your shoulder” Had it not been for you, I wouldn’t have ever known what Uncyclopedia, deterministic theory, being judgmental, magic and so many other things were. You add one primary color to my life that no one else can, exactly as everybody else in my life does. You are important to me, and I am sure to many others in your life. I supposed love can be an anchor point for everybody. You seem reluctant to that too. Don’t stop yourself from getting close to somebody. Love comes when you stop looking & start living. And if not that, concentrate on the love your mother’s eyes hold. I just have one request, open up and give life a chance! Don’t ask yourself ‘why?’ instead ask ‘why not?’

You gave a second thought after I met u, by chance discussed the purpose of life while talking. May be what u say is true-deterministic. Perhaps it can happen only the way it’s happening. Perhaps because you perform magic tricks, you can rationalize it, but for me, magic is that you gave it a second thought, just because I said. It feels great that somebody is alive because I chose life 2 years back! J

Life begins when you open your eyes to all the beautiful things to be happy about.

If you still are skeptic about your decision, just think of people who fight so hard with diseases like cancer and AIDS for living, Read about people like Lance Armstrong and visit, http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/books/why-not-fifteen-reasons-to-live-by-ray-robertson/article2201506/

Life surely means more. Try and understand the value of it. Visit hospitals, let yourself become aware that there are people who die, but wanted to live. The main protagonist in the movie Troy says, “The Gods envy us, because we are mortal, because any moment can be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed”. Beautify the existence. Do all you always wanted to apart from dying!