Monday, June 29, 2015


As I skim through all I have written, each piece relates to an event in past and I realize that I have been only as mature as the hardships I have faced. Perhaps everything I ever wrote seemed the most important emotion at that time and at different times, having faith, forgiving, loving, letting go, changing and living to the fullest seemed to be the most thing….however, through all this, we forget something important, more important than everything else and that’s – Loving ourselves.

*Going by the trend, this piece should contain wisdom from all events of my life and should be at all-encompassing level of maturity with all emotions intact! :D

Despite the popular belief that everyone loves themselves, very few of us actually do. Being selfish should not be confused with loving oneself. We all have been involved in acts of selfishness; Adam couldn’t hold himself from having taste of the apple and that’s what led to the human race, so guess being selfish is being humane! Not wanting to lose on my atheist audience, my intention is to drive attention to being there for oneself. Knowing all the weaknesses inside us, knowing that we are not as good as we are perceived, knowing that we look pathetic without make-up, knowing that we thought ill of someone, knowing that we harmed someone, knowing that we have a devil living inside us, knowing et all, even though no one else knows, and still wanting to embrace ourselves without having to act is the act of loving oneself.

There have been times in everyone’ life when we have felt lonely, betrayed, unfit for a gathering, not capable of living, grief beyond bearable limits, unable to let go and worse, unforgiving of ourselves. We tend to hold ourselves for everything that went wrong. Someone broke our trust, and it was our fault to trust too much. Someone didn’t give us due attention, and it was us who let them take us for granted. Someone didn’t love us back, and we were not good/attractive enough. Someone hurt us beyond measure, and it was our mistake to let our hearts open. Someone thought of our competitiveness to be cut-throat and moved away, and it was us who couldn’t be good enough friends. Our stories all cross each others’ and more often than not, end sooner than expected majorly because constants come with small frequency for anyone and everyone. Through all relations we build, all actions we take, if we end up blaming ourselves, we end up disliking ourselves and sooner or later, stop loving ourselves. There is no denying that we have made mistakes and we act to like ourselves despite them, but it’s important to know that once we stop loving ourselves, we don’t only become incapable of seeing good in ourselves, but also in everyone and everything else. Also, while we start loving ‘self’, we ensure that we will never be lonely, however alone we are left, that however brutal the world turns, we can still hug ourselves when night falls – however long and however dark, that whoever betrays us in however unexpected ways, it’s not our fault, that whoever crushed all that we believed in, we still have ourselves to fall onto, that love might have disappointed us once, but we can give it another chance because someone right will come to love the person we really are and because we love ourselves, that being happy doesn’t require a particular thing, person or place, it’s within us, that every emotion hits us the way we perceive ourselves – we cry if an important person betrays us, we fight if that person is not-so-important and we don’t care if the person holds no importance.

One of the most gifted actresses of our times, Kalki Koechin once observed something really deep:
“Love is giving without expecting in return. It sounds like the ultimate act of self sacrifice right? But the trouble with giving, and I mean happily and limitlessly giving without expecting in return, is that one has to be self sufficient, and full of love for oneself. So, in a way, I believe love is selfish, because only a person, who loves themselves fully, can give fully without expecting, without needing, without dependency. I’m not there yet, but I fight to be myself everyday in a world where we are constantly pressurized to be someone else, and that daily fight is my pursuit for love.”

How fabulous a thought it is! How can you possibly love someone who you will never know well enough if you don’t love yourself whom you know, who will never leave your side, with whom you have spent all the days and will spend the rest of your life? If someone else’s attention, respect, love, faith and togetherness are an essential to your happiness, rest assured, it will wane away much sooner than expected. I would never deny the importance of people and loving them because, there should be some axis for our revolutions; these constants are a huge part of who we are, but never completely us. As we grow, we know however painful, it’s crucial to get hurt, rebuild and give everything else a second chance….even ourselves. Know that whatever you did in whichever situation was the best you think or could fathom. Know that one day it will all make sense, one day when the huge pieces of jigsaw fall in place and you smile back at life. After everything that I and my ‘self’ has been through, I love myself…do you?