Saturday, February 28, 2015



Let me post it before I change my decision of scraping it off…and you all better read it before I decide taking it off from here….because I am possibly the angriest I can be!

I write this in complete frustration of the storm I am holding inside. I am angry, very angry. Not on someone or something. I am generally angry. Mostly on myself. I am frustrated to the limits of heavy breathing and hyperventilation, even scratching my head (!!) and it’s no one’s but my fault. I tend to be over-caring, sometimes being nice to people and I go out of my way to accomplish it. Sometimes trying hard to not show my negative reactions on people. (Those who know me just little will laugh their hearts out on this because I am someone who shows reactions on every single thing. I make sure I am heard before I accept something that I don’t believe; although I have worked on my listening capabilities!) I am talking about people I am really really close to. I gathered over time that people are obviously more important than arguments and tend to accept what the other person says, either to avoid hurting them by careless words or may be just avoid any further arguments and lose any further energy. I am not someone who believes in just accepting something without reasons, though. I believe in talking my heart out, (that explains the loquaciousness), in arriving to a conclusion through a healthy discussion. I like ends closed. My inner self demands a proper closure.  I hence end up fighting up with myself while the vicious arguments and counter-arguments keep going on in my head. And I end up asking myself, “Does niceness need to be carried to a level where it starts rusting your insides?”

Sometimes when I ponder over the reason I want to be nice to people, I fear the honest response that my mind throws back – “Aren’t you being nice to people to be perceived as a nice person, Aren’t you just continuing on the camouflage just because you don’t want to break the ‘good girl’ image, Aren’t you hiding your weaknesses by acting all around?” There is a ‘congenial behavior’ and then there is pathetic self-destructing attempt at being benign.  This reminds me of an episode in the popular TV series, ‘Friends’ where one of the character claims “There is no selfless good deed”. How true!!  Childhood is the best; your tantrums are okay because you are a kid. Once you grow up, you are expected to hold everything inside, even if it’s breaking you down. It’s not anyone’s mistake, it’s how the society made its way.  Still, somewhere, it gets on everyone’s nerves. All of us are angry on each other and not all the anger can always be shown and be done with it. Some of it stays, becomes bigger with time and explodes out at the most inappropriate time.

When it’s building up, every single thing irritates….People have all the time in the world to know “He dropped an egg into his coffee….because he is a genius, She crossed the road…because she is genius,  he threw his child, but when I saw why…I knew he was a genius” OMG!!! Einstein just got an inferiority complex!! Whatsapp keeps pinging all day long…there must be numerous groups we rather put on mute than exiting from there, because we are ‘NICE’. Honking vehicles, pollution, smoking zones, smirks, running nose, low energy everything becomes so unbearable at these times. Sometimes when the person in front talks of the most irrational things, we rather listen to them and try ignoring it because, OMG, who will handle guilt of being ‘not nice/good’, it’s obviously rather easy to make guilty than be guilty!

When I thought of a personal superman for everyone, I forgot to talk of a ‘Joker ’ needed for everyone too. Although your superman will be there for all times, in thick and thin, but can you take a chance to hurt someone like him/her? Would you not be dead cautious about the way you treat them because they are so valuable? There should be someone you can hate completely and without guilt. Someone so bad that all your behaviors, however bad, are still justified, despite you being a grown-up. Someone who everyone detests, someone made for hatred. It’s strange that in a world full of terrorism and supposedly ‘bad people’, it’s not just difficult, but impossible to find someone who is disliked by EVERYONE. So let’s move to someone who is hated by a majority. Let’s just consider Ravana, most of us now know that he was a staunch Pundit, still he is bad for most of us because he raged a war against our favorite Rama. But have we ever thought on the fact that Rama wouldn’t have existed for us, had Ravana not been there? That there would have been no Krishna without a Kansa, no batman without a joker and no Spiderman without his ever changing enemies? Isn’t bad a necessary evil then? Isn’t bad the breeding ground for good? Isn’t bad the actual good? How about the Hulk?

 Lucky are the ones who have someone they can whole-heartedly detest, because the bad relations actually help us save the good ones! J When I started writing this, I was back from a really long tiring day, ready to hit anyone who messes with me, had just invested a pail of ‘angry-frustrated-meaningless’ tears into my ever-reliable pillow and screamed out my frustration in a closed room loud. I didn’t feel as good as I feel after penning this down. Now that the words have flown (as must be very clear in the progress of the piece through paragraphs :P), I feel myself, I found my closure! J


  1. I can feel how happily you would have calmed down after writing this :) well done

    1. Haha! I sure did Mukul! Thanks for reading! :)

    2. Haha! I sure did Mukul! Thanks for reading! :)